The things I’ve learned now Jack is three…

Fun on the slide

The things I’ve learned now Jack is three…

The tantrums are stronger, the cleverness is amazing, the cheekiness multiplied by a thousand; the love overwhelming.  I’d wager I learn something new about being a parent every single day, but here is a just a few lessons I have learned recently.

1.     1. How to share my food.  Anyone who knows me probably understands that I don’t mind sharing most things, but there is certain foods I have such an addiction to.  I can get quite selfish, or I’ll-stab-you-ferociously-with-a-fork-if-you-steal-one-chip-off-my-plateish.  But, I have learned to share, because Continue reading

Using the senses…

This is a creative piece I wrote when I was at university. It was based on memories – both real and quite likely assumed, as some are quite old – and the senses that came with them. I thought it was quite expressive and interesting, a different look at a particular place, an abattoir. I’m sure there would be many other ways to describe this particular place, this is just the way I remember this day…

Cacophony. Dogs barking constantly. Sheep baaing, sometimes low and unconcerned; at other times frantic. The cows too, mooing as their hooves clatter up the wooden ramp, the three pronged electric prod sometimes poking them sharply in the rump. The loud machinery jangles and clangs, chains moving mechanically in rows, fans whirring. Continue reading

The different ways a man and woman cook a barbeque…

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bbq1

How a woman cooks a barbeque…How a man cooks a barbeque…

I would like to clarify that this article is intended to be entirely satirical. I am taking the piss based on stereotypical opinions and in no way does this represent my true assumptions on the matter. So please, don’t take it seriously, have a giggle 🙂

HOW A WOMAN COOKS A BARBEQUE…

-24 hours prior to barbeque the woman confirms predicted attendance numbers by studying R.S.V.P’s and meticulously telephoning anyone who has not replied.
-The woman forms a detailed list of brands and volumes of food and drink required, based upon guests sex-weight ratio.

-List generally includes, beer, wine, six varieties of soft drink, lettuce, tomato, three cheeses, carrots, cabbage, onions, potatoes, two types of pasta, butter, margarine and canola spread, low fat mayonnaise, cheese cracker biscuits, semi sun-dried tomatoes, salami – both hot and mild, kabana, mustard, tomato sauce, barbeque sauce, black pepper, white pepper, rock salt, table salt, sea salt, extra virgin first cold pressed olive oil bought only in a green bottle, paper towel, plastic knives, forks, plates and cups, white bread, brown bread, wholegrain bread, white rolls, brown rolls, wholegrain rolls, nineteen varieties of gourmet sausages, chicken sausages, gluten free sausages, bone free chops, marinated steaks, chicken bits, both honey soy and satay, a new spatula, tongs and apron, hamburgers, lamb burgers, chicken burgers, beef burgers, tofu burgers and veggie burgers.
Continue reading

Crazed Fowl…

Kookaburra Quail

For this writing activity, I asked the wonderful people from my ‘Melissa Black’ Facebook group to help me out. I requested they supply me with the following; a phobia, music genre, day of the week, kitchen utensil and Australian animal. I chose one of each randomly from the answers I got. We had hypnophobia (fear of sleep), rock music, Tuesday, measuring cup and kookaburra. Then I got them to choose between the words ‘and’ and ‘the’, one of which I could not use in the story. We landed on ‘the’. Following is the story I came up with, please feel free to comment or write your own along the same guidelines! Let me know if you see the word ‘the’ anywhere!

CRAZED FOWL…
Not many people understand why I am how I am. I don’t like it, this fear of sleep that I possess, it’s debilitating and frustrating, and most certainly not purposeful. I get a few hours a night – awful broken sleep patterns full of terror and paranoia – this is my rotten routine.
It all started on a Tuesday, that fateful horrible Tuesday afternoon, and every night I’m dragged back to what I can describe only as ‘Freddy Kruger Land’. Enter sandman? Enter mind screw more like it. I fight as hard as possible, I don’t want to sleep, but apparently humans need it to survive. Continue reading